This is Day 9 of the 30 Days to a Debt Free Christmas Challenge
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Today's best advice for moms – Let Go of Mom Guilt and Create a Holiday Within Your Means
Working mom guilt is a very real thing. It’s no wonder — the prevalent sentiment of our time is that the stay-at-home mom is the better mom. Pew found that a whopping 40 percent of Americans believe that children suffer when the mother works outside of the home, despite mounting evidence to the contrary. My most favorite fact to bunk this guilt-trip is the recently released Harvard Business School research that found that in the United States, daughters of working mothers earn 23 percent more than those of stay-at-home moms, while worldwide, adult women who were raised by working moms not only were more likely to have a job, but hold supervisory positions.
Those may be the facts, but you may still — likely! — still feel guilty for having a career, especially if your work takes you outside the home. I have been there, and many of my friends and followers share relatable tales — worry our kids are being raised by other people. Fear that our sons and daughters will not harbor special memories of us from their childhoods. Guilt, guilt, guilt that we are inferior mothers because we earn money to support those very children, just like 65 percent of U.S. mothers who work, and 40 percent of families who count the mother as the breadwinner.
All this guilt (a.k.a. “the least productive emotion”) can skyrocket at holiday times. Holidays, admit it or not, can be the most stressful time of year. The jam-packed schedules of parties, performances and services can bring a mom’s sense of overwhelm to a fever pitch. And the financial pressures to create “Christmas morning face” on the kids can be especially onerous for working moms. After all, if we work so hard all year to create a great quality of life for our families, shouldn’t that quality be evident in dozens of Facebook posts about how glorious our holiday season is?
Does this sound like you?
Maybe you’ve been doing all kinds of crazy stuff because of working-mom guilt and not even realize it! Look at how you spend your money, and ask yourself:
Examine expenses like gifts, clothes and activities for your kids.
The types of food you feed them — do you buy unhealthy food to lessen mealtime stress because you feel guilty about not spending more time with your kids?
When you go on business trips, to come home with expensive gifts to overcompensate for missed events and bedtimes?
Now that you own how guilt impacts your family finances, determine what is within your value system.
Revamp your monthly budget to reflect these values.
Whether you are a single or partnered mom, get everyone in your family on board with your plan and communicate clearly and continuously your values, and how that is reflected in your spending decisions. For example:
Good will and morality do not start with Thanksgiving and end January 1. If saving for the future trumps toys, communicate that with your kids now. Get them involved in a family savings plan, and create an allowance program that encourages them to save. Then, set expectations for the holiday. Should each family member expect to receive all the items on their wish list? Or just some? If you’re opting for a family experience en lieu of physical gifts, make sure that each child has an approximate understanding of what to expect.
Then stick to it! No last-minute guilt allowed, even if under-the-Christmas tree looks a little sparse. Better that than a sparse bank account in the new year.
Read more from Emma Johnson at WealthySingleMommy.
Emma Johnson is creator of WealthySingleMommy, the leading website for professional single moms, and the podcast, Like a Mother with Emma Johnson, on iTunes. She is a veteran personal finance journalist, with credits in the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Money, Worth, USAToday, Glamour, Men’s Health and dozens of others. Her course, How Not To Be a Broke Single Mom, is changing families’ lives.